My Immortal Commentary
by Uptown Girl and Southern Belle
Summary: Mine and Southern Belle's commentary on probably one of the WORST stories in the world! Have fun losing non-existant brain cells, PREPZ! :
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: We do not own the amazing Harry Potter series, but JK Rowling does. And happily, we don't own My Immortal, all of that belongs to Tara Gilsbie. If we did own it, I'd jump off a cliff. ENJOY READING HORNY SIMPLETONS!

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)_**(What is goffik? Is that a type of disease?)**_ 2 my gf (ew not in that way) (GOSH YOU PREPPY PERVS!) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. _**(APPARENTLY! She did NOT help you enough!)**_U rok! _**(AND I ROLL!) **_Justin _**(CURE THE BIEBER FEVER!) **_ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! _**(If you are depressed, how are you in love o.O) **_MCR ROX!

Hi _**(Hola!) **_my name is Ebony Dark'ness _**(And I am Ivory Light'ness!)**_Dementia _**(My friend's granny called Cynthia Demona once! They sound a like :D)**_Raven _**(PSYCHIC!) **_Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) _**(Really? I was born bald then I got red hair but my parents didn't name me Red) **_with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears _**(Ummm what?) **_and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). _**(Darn it! We're stuck here….)**_I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. _**(My incest senses are tingling!)**_ I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white_**. (Seriously? YOU ARE NO REAL VAMPIRE! REAL VAMPIRES HAVE PURPLE CURVY TEETH!)**_I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, _**(NO! NO YOU ARE NOT!) **_and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England. _**(Scotland, honestly, how can you go to a school and NOT know where it is!)**_where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen) _**(SHE KNOWS HER AGE! I thought she was 11 and in 7th year).**_ I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) _**(You aren't a goth! You are a GOFF!) **_and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example _**(AND SO IT BEGINS!)**_today I was wearing a black corset with m atching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets _**(Says the girl who hates pink….) **_and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, **(You should tone down on the makeup, or you'll look like you're thirty by next year!) **black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining _**(I think the correct name for it is sleet..) **_so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. _**(Aren't you a cheery one?) **_A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. _**(You have a way with people, Ebooby.)**_

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! _**(Wait…if this is 7th year…. DRACO WASN'T HERE YOU DIMWIT!)**_

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

_**(A floating piano that drops on Ebooby's head? No? Damn.)**_

"Nothing." he said shyly. _**(Shy? SHY? Apparently you don't know the characters too well! This is Draco Malfoy we are talking about! DON'T RUIN CYNTHIA AND ARIEL'S AMAZING BOUNCING FERRET!)**_

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. _**(You have friends?)**_

AN: IS it good? _**(Do you want the truth? Or we can lie… YOU PICK!) **_PLZ tell me fangz!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter or My Immortal. (THOUGH IT WOULD BE TOTALLY AWESOME IF WE DID OWN HARRY POTTER!)

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! _**(They flame it for a reason, hon.)**_

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. **(**_**I woke up on a counter! Actually, I woke up on the kitchen floor because I rolled off the counter! Cynthia woke up with a stranger in her bed and a pounding in her head!)**_It was snowing and raining again. _**(AGAIN IT IS SLEET!) **_I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. _**(Blood? What a GREAT way to start your day, Ebooby! With a nice yummy cup of salty blood! YUM!)**_My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. _**(IT MATCHES YOUR HAIR!)**_I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. _**(You know..pentagram's are not fully evil…If you wear them upside down it represents the devil but they are also for protection against demons! And I would be murdered by my parents if I wore an outfit like that!)**_I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. _**(Cynthia got her second hole pierced in her ear today! I was laughing! And how can your hair be in a kinda messy bun? It's like me saying my room is sort of clean…. And Cynthia saying that she is kinda OCD.)**_My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **(SMITH? I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH!) **She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **(TO COVER UP YOUR WRINKLES?)**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **(No good morning? Such a…um.. 'nice' friend you have Ebooby!)**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **(VAMPIRES DON'T BLUSH! UNLESS YOU ARE A HUMAN VAMPIRE BABY… but I highly doubt that. And it's not very Goffik to blush.)**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **(HAHAHAHAHA YOU FAIL AT LYING! LOSER!)**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **(Flirtily? How the hell do you say 'Hi' flirtily?)**

"Guess what." he said. **(Ebooby dies!)**

"What?" I asked. **(You die?)**

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **(I WAS WRONG….SHIT.)**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **(Just one problem from that…THEY'RE BLOODY MUGGLES!)**

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **(SHE GASPS! Real original Ebooby!)**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! **(I think they had no idea what they were doing because of all the brain cells dying.) **FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **(I think they would be horrible and involve Ebooby if you did!)**

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. **(YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MUCH BLACK!) **I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **(Oh yeah! Cause I feel so MUCH better after I slit my wrist. FREAK.) **I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. **(You should listen to the Gummy Bear Song! That'll cheer you up!) **I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. **(Stop plastering makeup on!) **I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **(so it just occurred to you now? Well, it's too late now, because you look old and that can't be undone!) **I drank some human blood **(YAY FOR BLOOD) **so I was ready to go to the concert. I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. **(HE STOLE MR. WEASLEY'S CAR?) **He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **(AHHHHHHHH SHE RUINED THE AMAZING BOUNCING FERRET!)**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **(You, don't sound depressed Ebooby!)**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. **(Is that all you can say?)**

We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz **(WALKED INTO THE CAR? I HOPE YOU HIT YOUR HEAD EBOOBY!) **(the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **(Drugs are your solution to getting excited?) **When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. **(Hope you fall!) **We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. "You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **(Of course you don't. because it consists of correct spelling, unlike most of the things you say, Ebooby! )**

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club **(Since when is there a club in Hogsmeade?) **with his amazing voice. Suddenly Draco looked sad. **(*Hits Ebooby* BAD EBOOBY! YOU DO NOT MAKE THE FERRET SAD!)**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. **(MOSHED? I dance to music, not mosh!) **Then I caught on. **(YAY! SHE ACTUALLY FIGURED IT OUT!) **"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said. **(YEAH RIGHT! SAYS THE GIRL WHO SAID HE'S SO FUCKING HOT.)**

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **(*FACEPALM*)**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel **(How can you hate someone you don't even know?) **and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **(LEAVE HILARY ALONE!) **The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. **(OH GOODY. *Slams head against wall.*) **Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, **(No walking into the car this time?) **but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! **(I don't like where this is going…)**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! _**(So Ebony's name is Enoby? Total sense, Tara, total sense…)**_DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok! _**(THEN THAT IS NOT TRUE LOVE!)**_

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" _**(Trying to smash you into the Whomping Willow? No? Damn…)**_

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. _**(AND YOU FELL INTO A PORTAL TO HELL! ENOBY'S ON A HIGHWAY TO HELL!)**_

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked. _**(No, no, Draco! It is ENOBY!)**_

"What?" I snapped_. __**(DON'T MAKE ME SNAP MY HANDS IN A Z FORMATION! EXCLAMATION! HEAD ROTATION! TALK TO THE HAND, SNAP THE WRIST! OMG YOU JUST GOT DISSED!)**_

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) _**(Oh really? HOW FREAKING INTERESTING!) **_which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. _**(Cause you know, contacts can do that…) **_And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. _**(Just as you what? Cried limpid blood tears? Got killed by Aragog? No? Shit...) **_Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. _**(NO MORE EBOOBY! SAVE THE TREES!)**_He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. _**(SLUTASAURAUS!) **_Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what _**(You know…. That is how kindergartners talk… MOMMA! MOMMA! HE SHOWED ME HIS THINGIE! AND I SHOWED HIM MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT! *Mom faints*)**_and we did it for the first time. _**(NO NO NO! MY INNOCENT EYES!) **_"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. _**(Hahahahahahaha and it was so intense that you jumped 10 feet in the air and got stuck in a spider web! :D)**_We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then…. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" It was…_**(An angry cannibal wanting to eat Ebooby? :D *Starts cooking Enoby over le fire*) **_….Dumbledore!_**(DAMMIT!)**_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! _**(YAY!)**_Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! _**(Cause you know, headaches make people cuss, calm, hippie like people cuss XD and I would be too! HOW DARE THEY DO THAT TO THE TREE!) **_PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! _**(So you admit that you are nuts? :D)**_

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. _**(OH REALLY? 'Cause you know Dumbledore would just leave you to your orgasming in the Forbidden forest….)**_He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" _**(Insult number 1 to use in real life!)**_he shouted. I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face_. __**(BLOOD TEARS? THE BLOOD THAT YOU DRINK EVERY DAY IS OVER FLOWING CAUSE YOU ARE DEAD AND CANNOT DIGEST IT!) **_Draco comforted me. _**(If I was Draco, I would be cowering from the bloody tears o.O) **_When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. **(Why would they look angry if they didn't even know what happened? Why was McGonagall there anyways? She isn't Slytherin head of house…)**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. **(Dumbles is just mad that he didn't get to watch ;D I am a sick and wrong person…THANKS LORDEN!)**

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **(Insult number two to use in real life! *Le stupid brother insults me* Le totally awesome me:YOU ARE A MEDIOCRE DUNCE! Le brother:*shakes his head at me and slaps me upside the head*)**

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **(NOW DRACO! HOGWARTS IS NOT THE PLACE FOR SHRIEKING! THAT IS WHAT THE SHRIEKING SHACK IS FOR!) **Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **(They should have Mama Umbridge stick a hot curling iron up their cute little pucket butt holes ;P)**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us. **(THEN WHY DID THEY LET YOU GO?) **"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. **(DRACO IS WOMAN! HEAR HIM SMASH!)**

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **(High heels? Who do you think you are? CHO CHANG?) **When I came out…. Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing **(I WILL BE THE ONE WHO IS TOTALLY AWESOME!) **'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. **(I like Get Back to Hogwarts better….) **I was so flattered, **(So you are happy that your boyfriend is singing about death to you?) **even though he wasn't supposed to be there. **(DO THE CREEP! DO THE CREEP!) **We hugged and kissed. **(RULE NUMBAH 1! NO BOYS! UNLESS THEY ARE CUTEEEEE!) **After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. **(So he could put his thingie in your you-know-what?)**


End file.
